The post where I confess my greatest fear

I am afraid of a lot of things. Zombies (if you think I'm kidding get me into a discussion about them, then you'll see), debt, being torn to bits by a pack of wolves when I go up to my apartment (the one in A.P) at night, Kate deciding to really off herself while I'm over here.. the list goes on!

But only one fear has the power to affect me in my day to day life. And that is the fear of being pushed in front of the subway by a crazy person.

I know, what are the odds. But every single time the train comes to the platform I look around and to see who potentially could be the pusher. I know which stations have extra deep pits for me to roll into in case I do get pushed in front of the train and can't get out. The only part I haven't figured out is which rail is the dreaded "third rail." There's 4 of them. And they aren't numbered.

I'm actually better about it here than I am in nyc. While there seem to be more visibly crazy people in London, I think the crazy people are more malicious in nyc. So when I'm in nyc you will never see me anywhere near the edge of the track as the train is pulling in. In London it's more problematic.

In case you haven't realized, I'm in love with the tube. It's because everytime the train approaches, at least in my tube stop, it looks like a train coming out of a tunnel. And I love tunnels (I blame Hoosick Tunnel). It's also because every time I ride it I imagine I'm in a giant pneumatic tube rocketing to my destination.

So this poses a problem when I'm excited to see the train show up, but am too worried that I'm going to be pushed under it to enjoy it. I'm working on it- I step up to the yellow line and watch all giddy, but use my super peripheral vision to keep an eye on any wouldbe pushers.

So yeah. This is what I think about every day.